A diary of the last eight days of my life
(December 2, 2000 - December 3, 2000)

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December 2, 2000: The tube is really bothering me. I started to moan and it is getting a little hard for me to breathe. Mom noticed that and she thought I was just grumpy about the tube. She tried not to bother me because she noticed I wanted to be alone. She will come close to me every so often and started crying. She knows I am suffering.... Mom fed me at 4:45pm. Of course using that tube. It is really uncomfortable. My breathing starts to get worse.
December 2, 2000: At around 7:15pm, I vomited some fluids, it was from the food I ate. Mom called the vet immediately. The vet told mom since I have not been eating, it would be normal for me to vomit. He said to let my stomach rest for a while and feed me less food the next time she feeds me. Mom also asked him she noticed my breathing is getting abnormal. The vet said it can be because I was hot or I just have hard time breathing. He did not go on explaining what can cause that, mom thought my breathing will get better, she did not do anything.....
December 2, 2000: Mom was supposed to feed me at 8:45pm, instead she fed me at around 11:30pm, she thought she would give me some more time. She fed half of what she was supposed to according to the vet's instruction. She cried every so often because she was seeing me suffering and she felt so helpless. She started to get confused about whether she was really doing what was best for me.
December 3, 2000: At around 1am, I felt extremely uncomfortable. My breathing was getting harder. Mom finally realized she must do something about it. She called the emergency service and rushed me to the hospital. She was nervous. She was not thinking right. She put me in this carrier she usually puts me in, that was the third big mistake!! She should not have put me in this carrier. I needed as much air as possible. I cried because I just want to stay home.
December 3, 2000: At around 1:15am, we arrived at the hospital. Mom looked at me and realized what she has done, I looked pretty bad. Mom rushed me in the room as soon as the technician arrived to open the door. The vet came in and mom explained to her I am diagnosed with the cancer Adenocarcinoma and briefly what had happened. I started vomiting, the vet checked my heart beat and everything and asked mom how long does she want me to go through this. Mom started to cry.
December 3, 2000: The vet tried to save me by taking me to an oxygen box, unfortunately, I could not make it to the oxygen box. I was gone and did not even have a chance to say goodbye to mom. The vet took mom to where I was and told her my heart stopped beating and basically I was not with them anymore. Mom was shocked, this is not what she was expecting at all. Her tears kept running down her face. She could not believe what she was hearing. The vet asked if mom wanted to bring me back to life and advised her even if I do come back, I would probably be continuing with the suffering. Mom could not speak at all. She does not want to see me suffer anymore and decided to just let me go......
December 3, 2000: Mom brought my body home. For the last time I will be at home. She started to rethink what has happened. She started regretting most of things she has done after the lab results confirmed I have this incurable cancer. She cried and cried. She layed me down on the floor and kept touching me. She kept calling my name and held me in her arms. She put me on her bed just like how I have always slept right next to her. Her eyes were so tired from crying she fell asleep.... In about an hour and a half, she heard a noise. It sounded so much like me and then she heard it again. She got up and looked at me knowing it did not come from my body. She cried again. She held me in her arms and went sitting on the couch.... She asked me to forgive her. She wishes she could do everything over from the day she found out I have cancer. Things are not going to change though, I am gone.....

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